Attack of the Crawling Sachi!

March 28, 2011
Beachwood, Ohio

Although reports are still sketchy, media outlets in this 30 degree suburb of Cleveland have warned residential pets to be on the lookout for a 1/2 Japanese, 1/2 Indian infant girl, who has been on a rampage of terror against the food bowls of short, stubby-legged dogs, particularly those with limited intellect and unassuming dispositions.  This "Sachi" has been known to attack unwitting suspects while they are preoccupied with lunch and/or dinner by approaching during mealtime, taking control of the food bowl and dumping the contents on the ground, simply for her own satisfaction.  Residents are advised to use extreme caution if cornered by this menace, as her infant wiles have been known to be both disarming and deadly.  Crawling Sachi is a relatively new phenomenon (crawling forwards for only a couple of days) and this footage represents one of the first times her forward-moving attacks have been captured on tape, albeit on a poorly equipped camera phone, which apparently is lacking good audio (thanks Sprint).  Check out the assault on local resident, Paipi and his food bowl, with recorded encouragement from individuals that were not caught on camera.  Residents are further advised to stay indoors and stay well-stocked with mum-mums (baby treats) and Cheerios, as these easily digested dietary weapons have proven to help distract attacking Sachi from innocent foodbowls.  Resident pets are advised to eat quickly and move to higher ground, which would potentially remove them from attack range.  Save yourselves!